Nick Nolte

Please allow me a few moments to rant about something that drives me entirely crazy.
People who constantly point out the obvious. For example:
Oh wow, you wore your hair curly today.
Looks like we have some big trucks in the parking lot.
You're eating a cookie.
You're tall today, you're wearing heels.
The sky is cloudy. 
Lord, please grant me patience to smile and nod.

I've recently stumbled on a new blog. The blogger is out of California. She's tall, skinny, blonde, a model, eats a balance diet, teaches pilates...ya know...everything you really want to hate a girl for.  

Anyways, she did a blog post about her hair...which is long and pretty and very California. She told the readers that she very rarely washes her hair, only uses dry shampoo. She also applies coconut oil to her hair about 2xs a month. And when she does wash it, she hardly ever blows it dry because the heat damages it....

Yeah. Right. 

I would straight up look like Nick Nolte.

As promised, I'd like to introduce you to a total hair game-changer.

Well, wait, I think I need to take a step back and explain exactly why I made this purchase.  

Because I wanted to look like this, duh.

Because I've been so cheap lately (lately, HA who am I kidding) I haven't gotten a haircut in a long long time. I even made my husband assist in coloring my hair. My locks aren't nearly as long as Gretchen's but, hey, a girl has every right to be delusional. I needed something to give my hair some extra vavavoom and I love the look of soft waves.

LET ME REPEAT. SOFT WAVES. Curls...out. Waves...in. 

Now that we have that covered, I shall move on. 

Behold: The Wave Wand

 T|Studio Large Pearl Ceramic Professional Styling Elliptical Wand

 

 

 I love. It's easy to use. It comes with a glove so you don't burn the heck outta your fingers. (I did burn my ear though, like, bad.)

You simple grab sections of your hair and wrap it around the wand. You'll end up looking a little like Shirley Temple...but then you shake it out. I even brush through it a little. I HIGHLY recommend this if you have long hair. Mine is even a tad bit short. 

Buy it, it's good.

 

via gchat:

annie:  wanna come do a 5k in march?

me:  oh hell no. i will eat 5 donuts with you in march

annie:  3 miles come on 

me:  will someone be chasing me with rags of snot bc thats the only way I'll run. 

annie:  yep its rugged maniac

me:  OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL NO
annie:  plllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeaaasssssseeeee

me:  i think you have to, like, actually train for that!!!

annie:  no u dont

me:  you do! and there's mud!

 

hell to the no. 

This is Friday morning.

After $2 pints at Natty's.

After drinks at a charity auction.

After a glass of wine at mi casa.

And after a stellar performance of Spice Girls "Wannabe" karaoke at a dumpy bar.

(Ok, ok, the karaoke performance was a little less than stellar but I blame it entirely on a stupid song choice. How could we have forgotten about Ace Of Base?? Duh)

Just a quick note...

Is it weird that I'm strangely disappointed that my husband doesn't know who Honey Boo Boo is?

Hi! I'm not dead, have just been incredibly busy with work/our photography business/feathering the nest...you name it. Speaking of the nest...we've done a lot around the house these past few weeks. As soon as I snap some decent pictures I'll be sure to post. 

 

After work I'm going to a Handbags for Literacy event sponsored by the United Way. Designer handbag auction, wine, apps and charity...what more could ya want?

 

Ohhh!!! And I purchased a total hair game-changer!! You chicks with long hair NEED this tool. I'll post a product review soon. ;)

Until then I'll leave you with a little ditty I took from my friend Sarah's page. 

 

If I were a gemstone, I'd be turquoise.

If I were a scent, I'd be honeysuckle.

If I were a pair of shoes, I'd be a pair of funky flats.

If I were the weather, I'd be 75 degrees and sunny.

If I were a facial expression, I'd be a grin.

If I were a car, I'd be a sensible Honda.

If I were a time of day, I'd be 9am.

If I were a month, I'd be October.

If I were a place, I'd be the East Village in Manhattan.

If I were a liquid, I'd be red wine.

If I were a taste, I'd be tangy.

If I were a sea animal, I'd be a octopus.

If I were a food, I'd be a maple bacon donut.

If I were a colour, I'd be aqua.

If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a piano.

If I were a flower, I'd be a protea.

If I were a planet, I'd be a succulent.

If I were an object, I'd be a souvenir.

If I were a fruit, I'd be a mango.

If I were a sound, I'd be the last hurrah.

If I were a day of the week, I'd be a Thursday.

peace

So, its 2:20 and I'm sitting at my desk talking to some dude who thinks he's "been wronged" and needs an attorney. (He does not.) Out of the corner of my eye I see two groundhogs chasing each other in the empty lot next to our building. Trying not to laugh while listening to this dude trying to seek justice, I roll my chair back and frantically try to catch the attention of my boss. I point out the groundhogs and quickly end the phone convo.
Next thing I know, 5 out of the 7 of us in my office are flying down the stairs, out the door and into the parking lot...trying to catch the groundhogs. Imagine, suited lawyers on all fours looking under cars for a groundhog. 

WE'RE GOING TO THE FAIR TONIGHT!!! Please stay tuned to see how many fried foods I inhale while watching pig races (!!).  

Fact: a lady in my office has never had a corn dog. 
Just sit on that. 
I hope you're as outraged as I am. 

 

My boss: "3 bracelets and a watch all on one wrist?"

Me: "Yes, it's called a Stack"

My boss: "Why so many on one wrist, isn't the other wrist jealous?"

Me: "Most girls who get paid more at work have bigger, nicer, stacks."

My boss: "Ha."

Good try. 

 

 

What the world needs from you...

"The planet doesn’t need more ‘successful’ people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every shape and form. It needs people who will live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these needs have little to do with success as our culture has defined it."

- David Orr

I've seen this quote floating around tumbler and the interwebs these past few days and for some reason I keep coming back to it. This quote had me thinking about 'success' and what it means to me. Personally, I believe that success equals the pursuit of happiness. If you're family oriented, success means having a healthy family life; if you're career driven, success means the ability to forgo your intellectual interest into a career; if spiritual, happiness and success comes with forming a relationship with your creator. Maybe your success comes with a few of these things and some others combined.

Ralph said it best:

 “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

At the end of our lives, success can be easily measured by summing two things:
  How many people you helped.
  How many times you smiled and laughed.

Spent $10.14 on 2 small coffees at Starbucks last night. 

Am I the only one who thinks that's a total rip??

Off Topic Tuesday:

Apparently, when you're married and in your late 20's, it's not acceptable to mimic and mock your husband like a 3 year old during a disagreement.

For the past 7 minutes I've been sitting at my desk trying to take profile pictures of my face to see if my cheeks are getting fatter. Indeed, I'm pretty positive they are. 

My lips have been chapped for the past 3 days. It's getting old.

I made pumpkin muffins last night. They were awesome and super easy. One box yellow cake mix, one can pumpkin puree and some chocolate chips. The end. (I've since eaten 3)

A guy at my work eats straight up angus beef patties for breakfast. When I laughingly questioned his assistant about it, she responded straight faced "it's for protein." No shit, but it's still weird. 

Last night's RHONY season finale was a real let down. And, since I'm on the topic of Bravo tv shows.....Chantal from Gallery Girls reminds me of a malnourished troll with osteoporosis.

I tried to create a big, full, bun on the top of my head this morning. Fail. 

Starbucks. I wish I had enough money to scoop up a Starbucks coffee every morning. I'll have to settle for K Cups at work, bleh. 

It's 9:43 and I forgot my 10am snack at home. I'm getting really anxious. 

 

It's finally Friday and in the words of the beautiful Melissa Gorga:

I'm so team Melissa.

 Actually, this leads me to something very importaint. 
Teresa.

WHY THE F HASN'T ANYONE MENTIONED HER TWOHEAD??!
(I call it a twohead because she's got WAY less than a forehead.)

 
I mean, what the heck IS that?
Her hairline starts about 4 centimeters above her eyebrows. 
Disgusting.

I am so tired. The alarm went off this morning and I wanted to cry. 
If I curled up in the fetal position under my desk, I could sleep for hours. 
I'm not gunna lie, I went out last night for a few cocktails and...

 
That is all for now.

 

I REALLY want to be a Spice Girl.

Sometimes, when I'm getting ready in the morning, I slam it to the left and shake it to the right. 

I would be Posh. Duh.

I highly recommend leaving the top of your convertible up on your lunch break.

Unless, of course, you want to look like this for the rest of the day. 

God, I'm good looking. Bah!

 

Friday Randomness  

As my boss leaves for a lunch meeting and I call after him "Have fun! Call me if you drink too much!" Muhahaha. 

I received a new office chair today. However, I use the term "new" loosely. The dudes in the office below us all got new chairs and we purchased their oldies. To be fair, it is a really nice chair. I think the thing's worth like $900 new. (Yes, I googled my chair.) The downside...it smells like urine and I know exactly who's ass was in it last. I made the office manager smell it because my boss wouldn't. I KNOW she smelled piss but she said it smelled like pasta to her. Whatever, I'm not ungrateful. Lumbar support vs. urine pants. 

I really don't think they appreciate fashion around here.  I'm wearing my new pair of lady loafers (leopard lady loafers, to be exact) and I'm gettin' all sorts of funny looks. Lay off the loafers, people. 

Paris Hilton

This is not a joke. This not a movie or a dare. This is really Paris Hilton and she's really driving a pink car with a pink leather trim interior, a spacesuit looking gold jacket, hooker hoop earrings and nasty over-sized white shades. 

What a joker. 

Walking the fine line between law firm professional and club attire. 

(If there were such a thing)

((Disclosure: This post is not a "look at me, look what I'm wearing post!" I hate those, they make me want to gag. No one cares about what designer you wore while sitting at your desk. This post is strictly to make a point that due to my lacking closet and limited decent work attire and have to inappropriately stretch the  boundaries.))

Tornado warnings for the 'boro today.

I work RIGHT next to a train track. Actually. I'm practically sitting ON the track.

Wasn't exaggerating

And....tornadoes are supposed to sound like a train comin'atchya, right?

This could make for a very confusing day. 

You think if I assumed the old school position every time I heard a train I'd get some laughs??

 

Remember that consigned coffee table ($96.02) that I was SO excited about finding?

Well, I woke up bright and early Saturday morning with big plans to refinish that little table. I picked up a few electric sanders from my dad (who has 3...why does anyone need 3 sanders?) and stopped at Lowes for some supplies. $36.83 later, I'm on my way home.

Remember, my house is small, we don't have a garage so I have to work on my porch. Ghetto. Don't judge.  So Mark lugged the table outside for me and I go to town taking the hardware off and sanding that bad boy. After it was sanded, I applied the primer. Then I painted a small section to make sure I liked the color. I loved it. The only issue...after it dried, it scratched/peeled easily. Damn it, I was going to have to strip the entire thing.

If you've stripped furniture before, you know it isn't an easy process. Especially if you only have a small space to work in. But...I was excited and in love with what the finished product was going to look like. It took me 3 (freakin) trips to Lowes ($35.90), 4 hours, damage to my fingernails, stains on the porch and an  aching lower back...and the beast was naked.

(Sidenote: When I say "stains on the porch" that's code for "my husband accidentally kicked over the blue paint can.")

In short...it pretty much took all day Saturday. Saturday night, I demand pizza and movie on the couch.

Sunday morning I wake up to to the sound of rain.

Raining on my f'ing coffee table.

Warped. The entire thing is totally warped. $168.65 and an entire day...gone.
I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I didn't cry. Because I sure did.