Water park rant

I absolutely, completely, 100% LOATH Wet n' Wild Emerald Pointe Water Park. Aside from the fact that I think it's disgusting, which I'll get to later, the name is stupid and too long.

For those of you who are not familiar with this water park, it's located here in Greensboro and offers a handfull of water attractions for $34.99. Fancy a slice of pizza after a long day in the sun? That'll be another $8.00.

I remember being dropped off at the entrance with a group of my middle school posse back in the day. We'd (I say "we" but I was scared shitless) make a bee line to the wave pool...which was terrifying. It's a long pool that gets deeper the further you swim out...similar to the ocean. You'd float around until...boom...a freakin gigantic wave would roll over you, sending you crashing into all of the other hundreds of kids in arms length. You try to doggy paddle swim franticlly to the side wall where the little stoop is, only to be pushed off and into the undercurrent by the high schoolers. On average, a life guard would jump in at least once every ten minutes to pull some poor kid out. See, TERRIFYING!

Once you have your share of being bowled over by waves and beaten by elbows, it's time to hit up the water slides. All of the slides are made of those plastic pieces that fit together. You know what I mean? The kind that, when you're soaring down, your back hits each crack in the plastic like a speed bump. Not to mention, you spend all your time trying to make sure your bathing suit's still covering your lady parts when you hit the bottom. Again, not fun.

Aside from the rides being subpar...the place is flat out nasty. Think, "People of Walmart" in bikinis. Hot, stagnant, puddles of water everywhere. ((Athletes foot!!)) Yuccckkkkkkkk. Nuff said.

I googled a few "people at wet n' wild" pictures for you. I'm not posting them, they make me sick.

I'd rather sit at home, save my $34.99, and have Mark pee on my legs...because that's exactly what I'd be swimming in all day.

This whole talk of large bodies of water takes me back to the days of life guarding. Did I mention I'm not a very strong swimmer? Or maybe how I panicked during a downing at a 5th grade pool party? Humm...good stories for another blog post.

Meetin the hubbs for lunch at Mcouls.

Hasta luego.