Friday, March 16, 2012

Poppin Bottles

I managed to scarf down half of a family sized bag of Robin Eggs (ya know, the Whopper Easter candy) before 10:30 this morning. I feel very sick, very sick. How did I do this you ask? Determination and will power.
Well, it’s Friday. And we all like to booze it a little over the weekend. (Side note: when I say “booze” I’m referring to any and all types of alcohol, not just the hard stuff.) If you’re not the bottle hittin’ type, we prob wouldn’t be very good friends. Well, we can still be friends…but I’ll judge you.
Anywho, like I said, it’s Friday, almost 11am and I’m very busy thinking about what I’d like to eat and drink tonight. I LOVE champagne. It’s one of the three things I could be perfectly happy living on for the rest of my life. The other 2 are cheese and chocolate. (I could substitute chicken flavored Ramen Noodles for the chocolate - but that’s embarrassing.) Technically, I’ve only had 2 “real” bottles of Champagne.
My first "real" bottle was in Vegas (purchased by some creeper for all of my girlfriends –crazy fire sticks and all. We’re ballers, I know.)

The second time I had “real” champagne was on one of the best days of my life. When my sweet, sweet husband proposed and hid the ring in the fancy box the champagne came in.

All the other times I’m technically drinking fizzy wine. Tomato, tomaeto. Even though I don’t drink the good stuff, it doesn’t mean I don’t know stupid trivia about it. There are a few bottles that I would sacrifice a few toes to try. Behold:
Hiedsieck 1907 Diamant Bleu cuvee
This is seriously vintage. In 1916 a ship was traveling from Sweden to Russia with 2,000 bottles of this stuff. The ship was hit by a missile, sunk, bye bye bubbly. 88 years later, in 1997, Swedish divers found the bottles which were perfectly preserved by the low pressure of the sea floor. These bottles sell for a mere $3,700 at auctions. Mama wants one.
(I’ll bore you with one more)
Louis Roederer, Cristal Brut
Rappers love this shit, especially ol’ Snoop. They sing or rap or…whatever they do…about it all the dag time. I bet they don’t know WHY it’s called “Cristal.” I’m a dork, and I’ll tell you why. Alexander II of Russia was a freak and was scared that someone was going to pop his ass using the dark glass of a wine bottle to hide a weapon. So, ol’ fool had a glassmaker make a clear, flat bottomed bottle. Due to the intense gas pressure, all champagne bottles needed to have a bell shaped bottom to avoid the glass breaking. To overcome this issue the glassmaker had to use a type of lead crystal to make the bottle, which resulted in the wine becoming known as “Cristal”. BOOM.
I don’t think I could tell you where Japan is on a map…but you wanna know booze…I gotchya.
What am I drinking tonight, you ask? Either a) Michelob Ultra or b) a bottle of 2 Buck Chuck.
Say sumthin’!

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