Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Grease fires and charging deer...

"Only Allie could start a kitchen fire and get charged by a deer in the span of two days." -Mark

True story.

On Sunday we had my parents over for a lovely brunch. I made skinny chocolate chip scones (which were awesome, I'll post the recipe), baked eggs in tomatoes, hash browns and bacon. We also had vanilla cappuccinos and skinny tequila sunrises (check my last post for the details). I need to pause and rave about the cocktails. Simply awesome. I made them for some friends on Friday night and they LOVED them. We normally have mimosas, but these were a perfect brunch addition. 

Chocolate chip scones. Not my picture, I don't own dorky heart glove thingys.
I made the scones earlier in the morning and we all quickly devoured them as I was finishing making the baked eggs and bacon. I though I'd be Paula Deen-y and pour some bacon fat into the hash browns as they cooked. Good/bad idea. After the grease fire was put out, the hash browns sure were tasty. Yes, grease fire. Full on fire, flames lapping all the way up to the microwave, smoke alarm blaring, dog freaking out, mom trying not to freak out....  

Again, not my picture, but very similar scene. 
And of course, I have no idea how to put a fire out. My first though was water, but that was quickly shot down. So I did what any woman would do, I grabbed my dog, ran outside and cried. Mark and my dad managed to put the fire out (and save the bacon, thank God) so all was good in the hood. Please take note: this will not stop me from making bacon in the future. 

My mom loved her Mother's Day gift, a bottle of Knob Creek Single Barrel Bourbon Whiskey. Conventional, I know. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent camping out on the couch with ma and watching Housewives reruns. Pleasant afternoon. 

On Monday afternoon, I shat my pants.

No joke.

We have some woods in our backward and we sometimes see some deer passing though. After dinner on Monday, I noticed about 3 or 4 walking by and pointed them out to Mark. We both agreed that it's so sad to see because there isn't much wooded area and there are homes all around. We felt bad for the poor guys.

About 45 minutes later, Boags needed to go outside. I put him on his leash and we headed out. Not thinking twice about the deer.

We walked down near the woods for a while and I waited for little guy to do his business, which takes forever because he's so dang picky about where he poos.

And then, out of nowhere, a HUGE deer came charging out of the woods headed straight for us. And when I say charging, I mean full speed, bat outta hell, fast. The thing leapt clear out of whatever bush he was hiding in and straight into Boags's leash. He was literally caught up in the leash 2 feet away from me. The whole thing lasted like nanoseconds before he untangled himself and bolted. What did I do, oh just screamed bloody murder and ran like a maniac back to my house. For you visual people:

I know "shat" and "crapping" aren't very lady-like terms, however, I can't seem to come up with anything more appropriate for the circumstance. 

say sumthin'!

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